Four men in ten will get divorced
This is really no different than men who are not in church. Why?
These days many men are not discipled as young men to understand about marriage and what the Bible says about loving our wives. I know I wasn’t. All I knew was that I was to grow up, get married, and have children. To be honest, I didn’t even really know what love was in a marriage. As I became older and grew spiritually, I began to realize that most people have confused infatuation with love. And when we marry because of misunderstanding infatuation for marital love… well, to use an old cliché, ‘when the newest wears off, the marriage begins to crumble.’
For me, no one – and I do mean no one – taught me how to be a husband and the spiritual leader of my home. Including the pastor who performed pre-marriage counseling with my wife and I before we were married. A fine man and I thought a lot of him; but, his pre-marriage counseling was basically, “She has a personality, you have a personality, they are different and you are going to have to learn how to live in the same house with different needs and wants.” Sorry Mr. Counselor, but there is much more to this – much more!
Prior to my marriage and for many years’ no one taught me about being the spiritual leader of my home and the responsibility that goes with it. I had fine examples as through my parents that marriage is for life; but, no one taught me how to be the Prophet, Priest, and Protector of my home.
It wasn’t until my wife and I attended a Fall Festival of Marriage at Ridgecrest, NC that I began to understand my role as a husband. Still it took years for me to come to an understanding. And after 40 years of marriage I am still learning.
Men let me ask you some questions if I may about your wife. If I was to ask you these questions would you be able to answer them;
- What color is her eyes?
- What is her favorite color?
- What is her favorite flower?
- What does she like to do to relax?
- What does she need from you the most?
Brown – Yellow – Daisy – Read – To feel valued, that she is significant. That is the answers for my wife. How do I know? By asking. Observing. Communicating. One of the problems in marriages today is the lack of communication – or if there is communication it is the wrong type.
Men, we need to be discipling our sons on how to be a spiritual leader in the home. We need to be teaching them to reject passivity, to accept responsibility, and to lead courageously in the biblical standards of a husband. Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Husbands are not commanded to submit to his wife but instead tells the husband that he must give himself up for her. Husbands are to love their wives in a self-sacrificial manner, following the example of Christ, who gave himself up for the church in a loving self-sacrifice. This is a biblical picture of a husband laying down his life for his wife which is directly opposite to what the world teaches. This goes beyond submission. The husband is bound by love to ensure that his wife finds their marriage a source of rich fulfillment and joyful service to the Lord.
1 Peter 3:7 tells us, “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Interesting information for us men there are the end of this scripture. If you do not want your prayers to be hindered, you better live with her in an understanding way and show her honor. Living in an understanding way focuses on living in according to God’s will, which includes understanding the needs of your wife.
Men, here is another interesting fact. Did you know the Bible does not tell our wives she is to love her husband? Only the husband is commanded to love his wife. Why? Because God made woman to naturally love those who live with them in an understanding way, to show them honor, and demonstrate love to them by loving them as Christ love the church. WOW! So if you want your wife to love you – start loving her as Christ loved the church and sacrificially gave his life for the needs of the church – in your case though, the needs of your wife.
I wonder how many divorces could have been prevented if as young boys, men had been mentored and disciple to understand what the Bible says about loving our wives? I will surmise that many marriages would have been a lot different. But it is never too late to start. If we are honest with ourselves and examine why we got married in the first place, we would probably discover we went into marriage for selfish reasons – what will I get out of it instead of what can I give.
You can repent of this if you need to by asking God for forgiveness and asking Him to teach you how to love your wife as Christ love the church. Then you need to ask for your wife’s forgiveness. Your next step is to get yourself into a relationship with another man who can disciple and mentor you to be the man – husband – God wants you to be.
We need to be teaching our sons how to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. How to live in an understanding way with their wives. This is a subject that I could write much more on and probably will in future posts. But right now, I want us to understand the need for men to be discipling or mentoring young men and each other on what it means to be a Biblical husband and a spiritual leader in their home.
Remember Men, love your wife as Christ love the church and gave himself for it and live with her in an understanding way.