The 4 E’s of Ministering to Men

Mens MinistryIn past articles I have discussed making sure we are “Intentional” in developing relationships with our men as we encourage them to move in discipling and ministry relationships.  We want to develop “Multiply Entry Points” and we want to “Know our men.”  All three of these are important as a church develops its ministry to men.

The 4 E’s of Men’s Ministry is just as important as these are the cornerstone to make sure we are touching a man in every area of his walk with Christ.  This helps to make sure we are not only being involved in “ministries by men” but, we are also involved in “ministering to men.”  Both are important but often the “ministering to men” element is overlooked.

So, want are the 4 E’s?  I will be taking take each one and discussing in future articles .

The 4 E’s are;

  1. Evangelize Men to Salvation
  2. Establish Men to Spiritual Maturity
  3. Equip Men to Ministry
  4. Extend Men on Mission

Just like spokes in a wheel, each one is required to develop a balanced approach to ‘ministering to men’ and ‘ministering by men.’  If any are missing, then the men of the church are not fully engaged in the work of Christ.

Men’s Ministry is so much more than having breakfast gatherings and various events.  It is also about men pouring their lives into other men.  Paul said it best when he told the Thessalonians in Chapter 2 verse 8 in his first letter to the Thessalonians,

We care so much for you that we were pleased to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you have become so dear to us. (CSB)

Disciple MakingOver a decade ago I began to experience this as men began pouring their life into me.  They prayed with me.  They shared scripture with me.  They gave me biblical insight on how a man is to act.   Instead of just telling me how to act, they trained me how to act.  Many of the problem’s men have today can be resolved if men will get into the Word and allow other men to come alongside of them to pour into their lives.

Jesus pulled 12 men unto himself for the purpose of pouring His life into them.  He pulled three of those men – Peter, James, and John – even closer.  He never sent anyone out by themselves.  He sent them out at least by two.

If Jesus – the God-Man – felt the need for men to be surrounded by men what makes us believe we can do this life alone?  If he sent them out by twos, what makes us think we can do life alone?

We will be discussing this in the coming articles on why we need to incorporate the 4 E’s into our Men’s Ministry and how these with the philosophy to be Intentional, creating Multiple Entry Points, and Knowing Our Men fit together.

Together in the challenge and adventure to disciple men – Mike

 

The Culture We Live in Today: What Happen?

When I began in the ministry of ministering to men I came across two statistics that has directed me in many of my conversations.

answering todays cultureThe first is that out of 10 men in the church, nine will have children that will leave the church when they are grown. This was noted in the North American Mission Board magazine article “Swim with the Sharks (and Survive)” in 2004.  The other is that out of 10 men in the church, only one man will have a biblical worldview. This was from the survey through The Barna Research “Most Adults Feel Accepted by God but Lack a Biblical Worldview in 2005.”

Though both of these were written over a decade ago, there is no reason to believe this has improved. In fact, it has probably worsen.

As I gave consideration to these statistics, I had to ask myself how did this happen?

When I look back on my life I was raised in the church. I knew nothing but the church while growing up.  I thought everyone – at least in the United States – went to church.  I am one who can say I was in church nine months before I was born.

When I started having children of my own I made sure they were in church.  They attended all the children and youth activities and ministries the church had to offer.  I did exactly what my parents did – I made sure my children were in church.

As I continued to give consideration to these statistics I was reminded of Deuteronomy 6:5-7,

“Love the LORD your God with all you heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

I had to ask myself.  Did I do this?  The answer is NO!  I did not.  Not one time did I gather my children and wife around the table and read from the Bible.  Never did I speak spiritual insight or wisdom into my children.  It is only by the grace of God my children came to know Christ as their Savior and are active in their respective churches today.

parents reading bibleAs I continued with this thought, it occurred to me this is why today we see so many who identify themselves as ‘Dones.’  Those who are done with church.  If I was to do a survey and the men were totally honest, I believe we would find I was not the exception but rather the rule.

So, I am submitting to you we the parents, going back many decades even centuries, are to blame for the falling away we see in church attendance today; thereby, the cultural that is manifesting itself within the public today.  Both in the young and old.

If you are not spending time with your family reading the Bible together and praying together, I want to encourage you to start.  For our children need to see that the Word of God and spending time with the Father is an important part of our life.

And maybe – just maybe – with God’s help – we can begin to turn the hearts of our children back to God  (Joshua 24:23).

Together in the challenge and adventure to disciple men – Mike

Spiritual Stop Signs

As we begin a New Year, I was reminded of an event a few years ago.

It had been a busy Saturday as I had been in a meeting most of the day and I was ready to get home.  The drive home was about three and half-hours.

After traveling about a hour the female voice on my GPS, my wife in a box as my wife calls her, informed me there was an accident on I-40.  This would cause about a 20 minutes delay if I stayed on the current route.  However, another route was found that would route me around the accident – if I wanted to take it press ‘Accept.’  Well, I wanted to get home as quickly as possible, so I pressed ‘Accept.’

After traveling the new route for a few minutes, the lady on the GPS stated she had found a faster route, did I want to accept.  Well, what do you think!  I want to get home, so why wouldn’t I take a route that is faster, so once again I pressed ‘Accept’ for the faster route.

The GPS lady then proceeded to instruct me to turn down a road that went into the country in areas I probably have never been in the state – beautiful farm country.  Then she wanted me to turn on another country road.  Then another.  Then another.

stop-signAfter several miles of turning down these country roads I started to get a little frustrated and I said aloud, “Where are you taking me!”  It was then I notice this big red octagonal sign that said STOP! that seemed to pop up out of the ground like in one of those video games.  I was so close I didn’t have time to react.  I did one of those quick left-to-right looks to see if another car was coming as I blew right through the stop sign at about 50 miles per hour.  As I looked in the review mirror to see if the local Deputy Sheriff was watching, I thanked God He had not allowed someone to be coming through the intersection at the same time.

That’s when God reminded me, He puts Stop Signs in our lives from time to time.  A familiar passage to many of us came to mind, Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.”  Sometimes in life when we are on a path that may seem strange and uncertain maybe that is a warning to us that we need to slow down and possibly even stop and listen to God.

I was reminded that God is constantly changing our visions and direction in the different seasons of our lives just like the GPS did that day on my trip home.  Sometimes we are in such a rush to get to the next adventure, like I was to get home that day, we fail to see the warnings signs that God is giving us to STOP, “Be still and know that I am God.”

If we rush through those spiritual stop signs it could lead to disastrous consequences, just like that physical stop sign I ran through on that country road.  Fortunately, the only consequence for me was the quickening of the pitter-patter of my heartbeat for a few moments.  But it could have been much worse.  Not only for myself, but for my family and the individual and their family if I had hit someone.

When we run through God’s spiritual stop signs the consequences could also affect those around us, not just us.

god-stop-signIf you feel uncertain or flustered with events in your life maybe God is holding up a spiritual Stop Sign.  If decisions are hard and you cannot get a sense of direction maybe God is holding up a spiritual Stop Sign.  Maybe there has been a change in life, loss of a job, new job, sickness, death of a love one, even retirement, maybe God is holding up a spiritual Stop Sign.

God desires for us to sometimes STOP so we can reflect on where he has taken us, review what He has taught us, what we have learned while on that path, and hear clearly what God has for us as we continue in His will.

So, as we begin this New Year of 2019, we need to beware of the spiritual Stop Signs God places in our lives where we need to be still and know that God is God.  Don’t blow past those Spiritual Stop Signs in your haste to get something accomplished like I did on that country road that day.  God may be trying to talk to you and if you don’t stop, the consequences could be disastrous.

Together in the challenge and adventure to disciple men – Mike.

Lessons For Men from the Christmas Story: The Boldness of Joseph

Joseph of Bethlehem“Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet: “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us). When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife.”  – Matthew 1:18-24

Culturally, Joseph did not have to take Mary as his wife after he discovered she was pregnant.  In fact, the scriptures tell us he was a just man and was thinking of divorcing her quietly.  However, an angel of the Lord met him in his dreams and told him what was happening and instructed him not to be afraid to take Mary as his wife.  Joseph did what the Lord directed him to do.

How many of us are afraid and neglect to do what God is instructing us to do?  As we approach the day we celebrate the birth of Christ, think about the boldness Joseph displayed in his culture.  He didn’t have to take Mary according to his culture – but he did.  How many of us men will have the boldness of Joseph to do what God is instructing us to do in His Word regardless of what our culture says.?

Together in the challenge and adventure to disciple men – Mike

Don’t be Afraid to Start Small

Disciple MakingI was recently asked, “What if only two men show up?”  My answer.  “Start with those two.”

When I first began to work in Men’s Ministry, which today I refer to as Ministering to Men – for that is what we are really doing – I was disappointed if 100 men didn’t show up for an event.  Especially for a church who had a membership of over 2000 with about 800-1000 men connected in some way with the church.  Many times, only 20-30 men would show up for monthly activities and often the numbers were even lower.  Even when we planned events that we thought would interest men; the Boomer generation was the primary group attending and not all of them were coming.  In addition, I could not understand why the younger men did not attend.  I felt as if I had failed.

But, as I began to study the culture and what men are looking for I began to realize the way we were doing men’s ministry was not working anymore.  What we had done for the past 30-40 years no longer works.  Today, men – especially younger men – are so much busier then they have ever been before.  Recognize that;

  • Many are working long hours to provide for their families and just don’t feel like attending anything after they leave their jobs for the day – week.
  • Their children are more involved in sports than ever before. Playing 3-4 sports, practices, and games every weekend doesn’t leave much time for family, down-time to rest, and especially time to go to another event or activity.

courageous-movie-men-praying-7Men leaders are finding it is easier for men to meet in small groups in places like coffee shops, at the gym, in their offices, at restaurants over a meal, maybe in someone’s home.  Places that seems to be outside the box and not what we in the past has considered the norm.  There are many resources available for groups like these and do not require much preparation.

In addition, when you keep men discipleship groups size down to about three to four you will find the bond between men will be even stronger and in turn it will strengthen the church.  Dr. Gary Yagel in his book Got Your Back, says “If the church has any hope of strengthening its men, it must get men into relationships with other men.  It cannot continue to largely ignore the need men have for connection.”  Remember, even though Jesus picked 12 men to pour his life into and sent them out to change the world, he pulled three of those men, Peter, James, and John, even closer; allowing them to see his glory, successes, and struggles in a different perspective.  He connected with those men in a totally different way than he did the rest of the disciples.

So, don’t be afraid to start small with just a few people in the group.  In fact, this group could be the catalyst to see more groups to start over time.  As these men begin to see the benefit and begin talking and sharing how God is using the group to help them grow, it will inspire other men to be part of a group.

I am currently meeting with a few men with the hope we will roll out to other men who will be led by the men in this group when the time is right.  The tendency for us is that we want to see tremendous results now.  But the reality is, it takes five to ten years to develop an effective ministry to men in the local church.  I realize most men don’t have the patience.  It took me a few years to realize it wasn’t me or that the men were not interested.  We just had to understand the problem and find a different approach.  So, keep at it.  God will reward your efforts.

Together in the challenge and adventure to disciple men – Mike

Where Are The Men?

20180407_120229[1]If you have a hundred men in your church, how big is your men’s ministry?  Sometimes our assumptions and paradigms limit us from seeing the bigger picture.  This is true with men’s ministry.  We need to understand how to maximize the kingdom impact of every interaction your church has with every man.

The second most asked question I hear is, “How can I keep the men involved?”  You are concern because the men are not coming to the monthly breakfasts or men only events and you are not sure why.  The most asked question is, “How can I get the younger men involved?”  Well, unlike a few decades ago when men seemed eager to gather together on a Saturday morning, men, especially younger men, are busier than they have ever been.  So, to answer both questions we must change our approach on how to reach the men to develop relationships thereby encouraging discipleship.

To do this we need to shift our thinking from the concept that only the men who attend the monthly breakfasts or a men’s only event is a part of your men’s ministry.  Start thinking of men’s ministry as an ‘all-inclusive’ men’s ministry; in other words, that every man connected with the church is part of the men’s ministry.  Begin by thinking and making a list of everything your church does that touches any man.  This will be a major paradigm shift for most churches.  But by doing this it will help to understand that anything a church does that touches a man’s life also impacts a man’s life.  When you begin to understand this, you will also begin to understand that everything the church does that touches men, is a part of men’s ministry or ministering to men.

To reach the men and help them grow in Christ we must go to where they are at.  I don’t remember reading in the word where Jesus said, “We’ll disciple you if you come to our activities or events.”  He said, “Go and make disciples.”  God is calling us to go to where our men are and disciple them there.  Jesus went to where the people were at and said, “Follow me.”

Disciple MakingPut on your thinking caps and begin to think of all the areas your men are involved.  Here are a few to get your thinking juices flowing;

  • Sunday School Teachers
  • Community projects
  • Youth Workers
  • Choir, Praise Team, or band members
  • Ushers or Greeters
  • Disaster Relief

Are there other areas men are involved in your church that we didn’t list?  You should be able to add to this this.

After you have compiled this list begin to think how can you minister to these men?  We need to be reaching every man that has any connection to the church.  Your surveys we discussed in the last article should include these men.

Next time we will talk about some ideas that you can do to reach these men once you discover where they are at.  From the man on the fringes to the man who is actively involved in the ministries of the church.

Together in the challenge and adventure to disciple men – Mike

Men’s Ministry Leadership Team

Discipleship Group

If a church desires to have a vibrant Men’s Ministry one of the most important attributes of the ministry is to have a leadership team that creates the foundation of the ministry. By ensuring a solid foundation is laid when developing a men’s ministry will result in the continued growth of the ministry even when there is turnover in leadership.

I have observed three types of Men’s Ministry leadership within the churches;

  1. The Event-Driven Leadership: The Men’s Ministry revolves around having various events – usually the same ones every year.
  2. The Leader-Driven Leadership: Centered around one person who make all the calls on the direction of the ministry. Generally, involves only those activities that interest him and that he is most familiar with.
  3. The Discipleship-Driven: This is where the team is focused on getting men into discipling relationships to grow them in Christ. Event activities are used to create a next right step for men to take into these relationships.

In most cases, types 1 and 2 usually morph into an Event/Leader-Driven type of Men’s Ministry. The concern with these Men’s Ministry types is that when the leader moves on, and is no longer in charge, the ministry dies.

The Discipleship-Driven Men’s Ministry is the type of Men’s Ministry every church should be striving to achieve. The concern is many men’s ministry leaders believe events is the means to the end. When our goal is to get men into discipling relationships by using the events to begin those relationships by giving the men a next right step.

The Leadership Team of a Discipleship-Driven Men’s Ministry (which actually becomes Ministering to Men) looks like this.

  1. Pastor: The pastor must have an enthusiastic involvement. This does not mean he leads or attends the leadership meetings, but he speaks into the lives of his men regularly from the pulpit encouraging them to be in a discipling relationship. He supports the leadership team giving them the resources to be successful. In everything the church does he evaluates how it connects with the men.
  2. Primary Leader: Rather you call him the Men’s Ministry Director or Coordinator or some other name this person needs to have a burden and passion to reach the men of the church and community. He should be a man who loves God, has a heart for men, and has the right set of gifts to lead other leaders.
  3. Leadership Team: Surrounding the primary leader with a team of men who shares many of the attributes of the primary leader. This is essential because one day the Primary Leader will move on to other ministry opportunities as God leads. Then one of the members of the Leadership Team can take the role of Primary Leader and the ministry to men will continue with a solid leadership foundation in place.

Man in the Mirror refers to this as the Three-Strands of Leadership for Ministering to Men; an involved Pastor, a leader with a heart for men, and leadership team members who displays the same attributes of the leader. The leadership team of a Discipleship-Driven Ministry is the foundation for any successful Ministry to Men.